Shadows of his past
by Falcons-Tears
Summary: When Spider said that he didn't have a good life before he was adopted, he wasn't exaggerating. Spider luckily didn't remember too much, but what happens when suddenly someone tries to force Spider to relive those times? Who could it be? warnings in A/N
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hey everybody, this is my first Sea Patrol fic, because I'm pretty new to this fandom, but I liked the first three seasons and all the characters (especially Spider) so much that I thought I'd try my hand at a Sea Patrol fic. I don't know if it's any good and if I should continue or not, so I'd really like your opinions about it. The fic was inspired by CO's and Spiders conversation at the end of Ghost Net about Spider's childhood, which will probably also be a little different than on the show.

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Also, I'm not too familiar with how exactly things work in the Australian Navy, so again I hope I didn't mess up there too much *sigh* and I don't know who really rooms with who, so please call it artistic freedom that I made Spider share his cabin with Buffer *sheepish smile*

English also isn't my native language so I hope there aren't too many mistakes...

But now please enjoy the first chapter of the story and I really hope you like it *smiles shyly*

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**Warnings:** **Mentions of Child Abuse**, hence the M rating, I'll post other warnings if they come up...

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**Summary: **When Spider said that he probably didn't have a good life before he was adopted, he wasn't exaggerating. Spider luckily didn't remember too much, but what happens when suddenly someone tries to force Spider to relive and remember those times? Who will be there to catch Spider when he falls?

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**Disclaimer: **None of the Sea Patrol characters belong to me, I'm just borrowing them for this story and this is for entertainment only, not for money...

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><p><strong>Shadows of his past<strong>

**Chapter 1**

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><p>.<p>

"Hey Spider, hold up, you've got mail."

Robert "RO" Dixon's voice stopped Billy Webb, known to his friends and crew-mates as Spider from passing by the radio officer's room.

The young Seaman raised an eyebrow and then he poked his head into the small room.

"A letter for me? Who is it from?" he questioned in surprise.

He hadn't expected a letter until next week when his parents would return from their holidays and would tell him about it in a long letter.

So Spider really had no idea who it could be from, since he didn't get many letters anyway.

And somehow an uneasy feeling settled in his gut, even though he really didn't know why.

"Yeah, you got mail, no idea who it's from though," RO answered and then he reached for an inconspicuous white envelope and handed it to Spider, who was looking at it, his eyebrow still raised.

He stared at his name written on it and tried to remember if he had seen the handwriting somewhere before, but he just couldn't remember if he had.

"So, who is it from?" RO questioned, looking at his crew-mate with curiosity.

Not much had been happening on the Hammersley today, so RO was glad for every distraction and it promised to be an interesting distraction.

Spider rarely got mail and when he did, it was mostly from his parents, but RO was pretty sure that this wasn't from Spider's parents, because he would have recognized their handwriting by now.

"No idea," Spider meanwhile answered to RO's question, because there was no sender address written anywhere.

"Then open it," RO urged, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back a little in his chair.

"Nah, not with your noisy person around," Spider said with a teasing grin and then he turned and walked further down the halls towards the cabin he shared with Pete "Buffer" Tomaszewski.

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Buffer was off duty right now and he greeted Spider with a short nod before he returned to the book he had been reading before.

Spider acknowledged him with a short "hey mate" of his own, before he sat down on his bunk, eying the envelope in his hand for a second and then he nearly tore it open, curiosity getting the better of him.

A letter fell out first, but Spider didn't really pay any attention to it.

No, his eyes were completely focused on the stack of photos he now held in his hands.

At first his mind didn't really make a connection to what he was seeing on those pictures, but suddenly his mind supplied him with pictures and memories of his past.

It were only little flashes and nothing was really connected, but what he suddenly saw before his inner eye was more than enough for Spider's stomach to churn.

"I'm gonna be sick," was all he managed to get out before he emptied the contents of his stomach into the trash can he had managed to pull close to him.

"Jeez, Spider," Buffer complained when he heard the younger man retch into the can and he lowered the book he had been reading.

Whatever else he had wanted to say, however, was forgotten when he saw how pale his mate looked.

Buffer rolled out of his bunk and knelt beside the younger man, concern in his eyes, before he asked: "Spider, you okay? Should I get Swain?"

He really wasn't sure what to do, because he had no idea what could be wrong with the young seaman.

One second Spider had been his usual happy self, and the next he looked like death warmed over.

Spider didn't answer him, instead he clutched the trash can closer to his chest, obviously afraid that he might get sick again.

"Spider? Do you want me to get Swain?" Buffer repeated his earlier question, because he wanted the younger man to talk to him.

But once again Spider didn't even react, not even with a shake of his head.

The Petty Officer was about to get up and get Swain just to do something when suddenly his eyes fell on one of the pictures that had landed face up on the ground beside Spider.

Buffer stared at it for a second, not sure he really understood what he was seeing on the photo.

He shook his head and stared at the young Seaman sitting on the bed, shaking like a leaf.

"Spider, what the hell is this?" Buffer questioned, somehow angry, but that probably was because he had no idea how to react to this and he hated feeling helpless.

Spider finally looked at him, his eyes were wide and his face was pale, which made him look even younger than he really was.

"That's... that's me," was all he managed to get out, before his eyes rolled back and he fell back on the bed... unconscious.

"Damn!" Buffer cursed and was finally on his feet, prepared to search the whole ship for Swain if it was necessary, but he was also a little reluctant to leave Spider alone.

His problem solved itself when he suddenly saw 2Dads poking his head into the cabin. He had obviously heard Buffer's curse.

"Everything okay in here?" the blonde Leading Seaman wanted to know, his eyebrows raising when he saw the scene in the small room and was about to enter.

But Buffer's words stopped him.

"Go and find Swain and get the CO here asap," he barked, hoping that 2Dads would just listen for once and would not ask any questions that Buffer didn't have an answer to.

2Dads, however, didn't move at first and questioned: "What happened to Spider?"

Buffer growled in frustration.

"Just go and find Swain and the CO and I'll explain later," he urged, because Spider really needed help and Buffer sure as hell didn't want anyone else to see the photos that were strewn across the floor.

Luckily 2Dads listened this time and followed the order, especially when he heard the distress in Buffer's voice.

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Buffer gave a sigh of relief and then he turned his attention back to Spider again.

The young Seaman was still unconscious and all Buffer could do for him right now, was to make him as comfortable as possible until Swain could check him out.

When he had done so, Buffer started to collect all the photographs, because he really didn't want other people to see them unless they really needed to.

Buffer himself could barely look at them, even after everything he had been through, especially after the few words Spider had said before he had fallen unconscious

It made looking at the pictures a thousand times worse than not knowing who was on those photos.

Buffer's eyes once again traveled to the still form on the bed.

Spider was pale and even though he was unconscious, his features were twisted as if in silent agony.

_/He never mentioned anything like that/_ Buffer mused, wondering what horror's Spider was reliving right now.

Suddenly Buffer spotted a folded piece of paper on the ground and since it hadn't been here before, he assumed that it had come with the photos.

He really didn't want to violate Spider's privacy more than he already had, but he needed some answers to all the questions swirling around in his mind.

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So Buffer bent down and picked up the paper, unfolding it.

He was just about to start reading when suddenly Mike Flynn, the CO and Chris Blake, mostly known as "Swain" entered the cabin, 2Dads hot on their heels.

"Buffer? What's going on here?" the CO questioned, before his eyes fell on Spider's unconscious form.

Of course 2Dads had given him and Swain a short version of what might have happened, but Mike still hadn't expected this scene.

Swain had already rushed to Spider, kneeling down beside him and checking the young man's pulse.

Flynn watched him for a moment, concerned for Spider, but then he noticed 2Dads and RO standing in the hall, curiously looking into the cabin.

"Buffer, close the door," the CO instructed, not wanting the whole ship to see this, since he had no real idea what was going on.

Buffer, who still had the letter in his hand, nodded and without hesitation shut the door, ignoring the frustrated and concerned looks he got from 2Dads and RO.

Then Buffer immediately turned back towards Spider, CO and Swain.

Flynn had his arms crossed in front of his chest and questioned: "What's wrong with Spider?"

Swain just shone a light in the young man's eyes, but Spider barely reacted and only moaned softly.

"He seems to be in shock," Swain answered his Commanding Officer and covered the young man with a blanket to keep him warm.

Mike looked concerned and then turned his attention to Buffer.

"So? What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Buffer admitted.

"Spider was sick all of sudden and then he collapsed, but after looking at those, I can't really blame him," he then explained and handed the photos to his CO.

Flynn looked at them, his eyes wide.

"What the hell is this?" he unconsciously echoed Buffer's earlier words.

Buffer only shrugged a little helplessly.

"As I said, I really don't know. He got the pictures with the mail apparently."

Buffer hesitated for a second, before he added: "... it seems to be Spider in those pictures."

Flynn stiffened and suddenly this all made an awful lot of sense, because he clearly remembered the talk he had had with Spider a few weeks ago.

"_I was adopted... the life I had before that probably wasn't so great."_

That had been Spider's words, but the CO had never thought that it had been this bad

And he just couldn't tear his eyes away from the small boy in the pictures, bruises littering the small body...

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to be continued if anyone is interested...

Yeah well, I really hope it wasn't too bad... reviews would be most appreciated *shy and insecure smile*


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hey everybody. I'm really sorry that it took me so long to upload a new chapter, but it was really hard writing it. And I just hope it's not too bad *sigh* But I'm really happy that you seemed to like the new chapter *smiles happily*

Reviews for this chapter would of course be most appreciated... but please keep in mind that English is not my native language...

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Of course a big thank you to **Serenityhimesheppard, MiniFreak101, Sophie, bunnybunbun1, Silken** (thanks for the advice *smiles* I hope the formatting works better with this chapter, because in my document the last chapter wasn't really looking like it did when I posted it o.O),** holly, sazy12345, Reg, montogma and sally** for all your kind comments *smiles* They really mean a lot to me...

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**Warnings:** **Mentions of Child Abuse**, hence the M rating, I'll post other warnings if they come up...

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**Disclaimer:** None of the Sea Patrol characters belong to me, I'm just borrowing them for this story and this is for entertainment only, not for money...

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

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><p>.<p>

"Shh, he's waking up. You better go and get the CO and X."

Swain's voice was the first thing that filtered through Spider's brain when slowly the darkness in his head lifted. The young seaman shivered a little and he still felt incredibly cold, no matter that he was apparently wrapped up in a warm blanket.

"Spider? Are you awake?" a voice questioned and it took Spider a moment to register that it was Buffer, who was asking. Slowly he tried to open his eyes, even though he didn't really know if he wanted to, because when he opened his eyes then he would have to face the rest of the crew and then he would have to explain what had happened. And there were questions he really didn't have an answer to... or questions he didn't want an answer to. Because the first thing that he had remembered when he had become aware of his surroundings again, was, why he had blacked out in the first place. Spider remembered the pictures and he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to forget them. But what he was sure of, was that Buffer, Swain and Flynn, the latter two had to have been there before, even though Spider didn't remember clearly, had seen the pictures and Spider had no idea who else might have seen them. So he was understandably reluctant to open his eyes, but he knew he couldn't fool the others any longer, so Spider finally blinked a few times to get the dry feeling out of his eyes.

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"What happened?" he asked, his voice a little rough, because his throat felt so dry. The young seaman tried to sit up a little, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him from doing so.

"Keep lying down, Spider," Swain ordered gently, before he started checking the young man's pulse. Spider just laid there passively. Maybe he could pretend that he didn't remember things and then they would let it slide. Okay, that was a pretty slim hope, but he could at least hope for the best. Swain now looked at him.

"How do you feel, Spider?" he questioned in doctor mode. Spider shrugged lightly.

"A little cold and a little dizzy," he admitted, trying to stop his teeth from chattering too much. Swain nodded and wrote something down on the chart he held, probably Spider's medical file.

"That's to be expected. You have been in shock and unconscious for the last fifteen minutes," he explained, before shining a light into Spider's eyes, which had widened a little when Swain had mentioned how long he had been out of it. To hide his shock, he pulled the blanket tighter around himself. It also helped to warm him up a little. He gratefully took the warm tea that Buffer, who had returned only a few seconds earlier, probably from alerting the CO and the XO, had produced from somewhere and took a deep sip.

"Thanks," he then told his cabin mate, who only gave a small nod and Spider was a little surprised to see how shaken the normally tough man looked and Spider just wondered if he was missing something else here.

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He didn't have time to wonder about it, because the door to the cabin opened once again and Mike Flynn and Kate McGregor entered the small room that became quite crowded right now, but obviously it couldn't be helped. Spider swallowed a little, because he really wasn't sure what was going to happen now. The look on Mike's face told him, that yes, the CO had seen the pictures, because concern shone in his eyes and even Kate, who was normally pretty good at hiding her emotions, looked at him with worry. Spider wished that he would just black out again. If he did that, then he wouldn't have to answer any questions right now.

The CO looked at him and then he asked Swain: "How is he?"

Swain took the medical chart again, reread something and then he looked at the Commanding Officer.

"He's still feeling a little cold and dizzy, but that is normal. And he will need to rest for a little longer, but nothing too serious," he answered and Spider was well aware that it was kind of a code for "you can ask him questions now". He tried to avoid Flynn's eyes, well, actually he tried to avoid everyone's eyes, but especially the ones of the CO. Mike, however, didn't seem discouraged. Instead he pulled out the envelope and Spider cringed a little when he remembered what was in there and it took all of his willpower not to feel sick again. There were way too many people in the room and he sure as hell didn't want to talk about this in front of all of them, but on the other hand he didn't dare to ask them to leave, because being alone with the CO would also mean he had the man's undivided attention.

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"Spider, I know this can't be easy for you, but we need some answers. You said that's you on those pictures?" he asked and when Spider nodded faintly, he continued.

"Where or who do the pictures come from?" Flynn questioned, his voice compassionate, but still there was that commanding tone that told the young seaman that he had to answer. But Spider just shrugged.

"Honestly, I have no idea, boss," he told Flynn truthfully, because he really did not know where those pictures could come from. He had never seen them before today and hadn't even known that they existed.

Flynn studied him, but then he seemed to decide that the Seaman was telling the truth right now. Spider's eyes stayed on the envelope when Flynn opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He tightened his hands around the warm cup of tea so that the others wouldn't see that they were shaking like leaves in the wind. His eyes followed Flynn's movements when he unfolded the paper and finally held it towards Spider.

"Maybe you'll remember when you read this," the CO explained, waiting for Spider to take the paper from him, but the seaman didn't move. He just stared at the letter as if it would bite him, an almost far away look on his face and Flynn sighed deeply. This was going to be harder than he had thought.

"Spider, we really want to help you, but to do so, we need to know who sent you the pictures. Maybe you will recognize the handwriting," he suggested, not sure if he really wanted Spider to read the letter, but Flynn also was worried and he wanted to get to the bottom of all this. Spider still didn't move. He only continued to look at the paper, his hands clenched so tight around the cup in his hand that Kate feared he might break it. She sighed and took a step closer to the bed. The XO was still a little shocked at what Mike had told her only a few minutes earlier and at first she hadn't believed it, but one short look at the pictures had made her want to vomit too.

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"Spider, this is really important," Kate pressed, trying to sound as commanding as possible, hoping that her tone would get a reaction out of the young man. She and Spider had a very complicated relationship and hadn't gotten along too well in the beginning, because Kate had thought that Spider was too immature to ever make a good Navy soldier, but Spider had convinced her otherwise and shown her that there was a responsible person underneath the sometimes clumsy and goofy surface. And she really wanted to help. Okay, she wasn't sure if they really could do much and why exactly the pictures had been sent to Spider in the first place, but she and Mike and probably the rest of the people who knew about it, were determined to get to the bottom of this and erase any threat there might be for Spider's safety. The crew of the Hammersley took care of each other after all. Buffer especially had refused to leave Spider's side and they all knew that he was protective of the whole crew, but even a little more protective of Spider and Nav.

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Spider looked at the XO, his eyes wide, but his lips were pressed tightly together, before he finally snapped: "I know that it's important, but I don't know who might have sent the pictures."

Kate looked almost hurt at his harsh tone and Spider ducked his head and murmured a "sorry" before he finally took the letter from the CO's hands and his eyes scanned over the lines. The more he read, the sicker he felt and again it took all of his willpower not to throw up. But he couldn't show so much weakness in front of the CO and the XO, let alone Buffer, who would never stop teasing him about it. When he was finished reading, he carefully looked at Mike, not sure what they expected of him now, so he questioned, hating how his voice shook: "Did you read it?"

Mike nodded slowly.  
>"I had to," he defended and Spider knew that he was right. As Spider's commanding officer it was Mike's right to read the letter, especially after he had seen how much it had affected the young seaman.<p>

"I know," was all Spider answered, before he looked at the letter one more time. Then he crumpled the piece of paper in his hands and clenched his fist around it.

"But I still don't know, who could have sent it," he told them and it was the truth. His memories of his childhood were hazy at best, even though there was this nagging feeling in the back of his head, telling him that he should know who the letter was from and that he was just too scared to let the memory come back to him.

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Mike looked at Spider, trying to judge if he was really telling the truth, but before he could ask, there was a loud knock on the door to the cabin, before 2Dads poked his head in.

"We've received a distress signal, you're needed on the bridge, Sir, Ma'am," he said, avoiding to look at Spider on the bed, his eyes focused on Kate and Mike. The CO and the XO looked at each other, both not pleased that they had to go right now, but they also knew that they had to. And judging by the way Spider looked, it was probably better to try talking to him later. And maybe Buffer might worm something out of the younger seaman that he would never tell Mike and Kate for fear of appearing weak and unable to do his job. Spider always worried about that and he always tried to proof himself to the CO and XO, so that they had no reason to send him away. Mike patted the younger man's leg for a moment.

"Rest, Spider and remember, you can tell us everything. And you're safe as long as you're here," he reminded, giving Spider a small smile, hoping to assure the younger man. And Spider answered it with a weak smile of his own.  
>"I know, boss," he gave back, once again pulling the blanket tighter around himself. He appreciated Mike's words a lot, but he was still glad when he and Kate had left.<p>

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Swain and Buffer, however, didn't make any moves to leave, well Buffer was apparently off duty and he lived in this cabin too, so Spider couldn't just tell him to go, even though Buffer probably would have gone if he'd asked him. And Swain was most likely still here to monitor his condition for a little while. And Spider had to admit that it wasn't all bad that he had company, because that stopped him from thinking about what had happened too much. Spider knew that Mike wasn't done talking to him about this and that he would most likely contact his parents to ask some questions about Spider's blood family. But Spider wasn't sure if he wanted answers to those questions.

And Mike had said that he was safe as long as he was on the Hammersley... but why did Spider get the feeling that he wasn't? Something was going to happen and Spider feared that it might not end well for him. He ignored Buffer's and Swain's concerned looks and laid back down onto the bed, closing his eyes to try and get some sleep. But as soon as he closed his eyes, his memories suddenly came flooding back to him and one face appeared before his inner eye... cold dark, almost black eyes and a cruel smile...

Spider's eyes snapped open and he sat up so abrupbtly that Buffer and Swain were immediately by his side.

"Spider? You okay? What's wrong?" Buffer's voice was full of concern and Swain placed his hand on Spider's forehead, maybe out of reflex, but Spider shook the hand off and then he looked at Buffer and Swain, his eyes wide with fear and he whispered: "I think I know who sent the pictures..."

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to be continued...

I know, not much has happened in this chapter, but I still hope it wasn't too bad and the story still holds your interest...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Hey everybody, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update this. I still hope you want to read the story and I really hope you enjoy this chapter.

Again I'm sorry for any inaccuracies, but I don't know too much about the Australian Navy, so please bear with me...

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Comments for this would be most appreciated *hopeful smile*

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Of course thank you for all the kind words for the last chapter. Your reviews mean a lot to me *hugs you all*

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**Warnings:** **Mentions of Child Abuse**, hence the M rating, I'll post other warnings if they come up...

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**Disclaimer: **None of the Sea Patrol characters belong to me, I'm just borrowing them for this story and this is for entertainment only, not for money...

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

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><p>.<p>

Mike had been watching Spider for a few minutes now. Buffer had called him earlier to tell him that the young seaman remembered who had taken those pictures and he had come to talk to Spider immediately while they were on their way to their newest rescue mission. But so far Spider had only looked at him, arms wrapped around himself, looking a little lost. And the CO was slowly losing his patience, but he tried not to show it, because he knew that the young man needed to tell this on his own terms. None the less he questioned one more time: "You're safe here, Spider and you can tell us what you remember." And then he finally got an answer.

Spider looked at the CO, took a deep breath and then he finally said, or better blurted out: "It's my uncle."

Now it was Mike's, Kate's and Buffer's turn to stare wide-eyed at the young seaman.

"Your uncle?" Kate repeated, the words somewhat sounding and tasting strange on her tongue in that context. Spider only nodded meekly before hiding his face in his hands again. He obviously had a hard time believing his words himself, but there were memories, only little bits and pieces, totally random, but one thing was clear. It really was only one face that came together with the memories of how those pictures were made.

"Is that why you've been taken away from your real family and have been adopted?" Mike questioned and put a hand on Spider's knee. He completely ignored the incredulous looks from Buffer and Kate when he revealed that little bit about Spider's past.

The young seaman shrugged, also ignoring the pointed stares he got from Kate and especially Buffer.

"As I told you before, I don't really remember that much. All I can remember is his face and bits and pieces here and there. And I also recognize the handwriting," Spider told his commanding officer truthfully, even though he really wasn't ready to reveal any details of the memories, because they really weren't important and it would be too humiliating to tell them about it.

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The CO scratched the back of his head and nodded. He appreciated that Spider had finally told them about it, but unfortunately he couldn't do any more for the young seaman right now.

"Get some rest, Spider. We'll talk about what we're going to do about it and how we can help you once you've rested a little and after we've completed our newest rescue mission." There was regret in his voice that the problems of one of his team-members had to take the backseat for now, but the capsized ship needed their attention right now. And as much as he hated to admit it, Mike knew that there wasn't much he could do for Spider right now. The young man was safe on board of the Hammersley and sleep would be the best for Spider right now. And Spider seemed to understand that too, because he nodded without hesitation.

"That's okay, boss," he replied and then he simply closed his eyes tiredly, rubbing his temples.

"I guess I need some rest anyway," he said, stifling a yawn and then he let himself fall back on his bed.

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Mike once again patted his leg in a comforting gesture.

"Try to get some sleep," he ordered and then he stood up, shooting Buffer a meaningful look, which the other man understood. He knew that the CO wanted him to keep an eye on Spider, not that Buffer wouldn't have done that anyway, because he felt the need to stay close to and protect Spider, even though he probably was in the safest place he could be right now.

Kate gave Spider and Buffer a small smile, before she followed the CO out of the cabin, still reeling a little because of everything she had learned about the young seaman and she had to admit that it changed her opinion of Spider even more than it had been changing over the last few weeks anyway. And she really wanted to help him. The first thing Kate would do, was to make sure that Spider's secret wouldn't be gossip topic number one on the ship in the next days. She needed someone to clean the toilets anyway...

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Once the door had closed behind the CO and the XO, Buffer turned his full attention to Spider to see how the young man really was. Because now, when he didn't feel the need to be strong in front of Kate and Mike so that the two wouldn't be disappointment with him, he would let his guard down and hopefully show Buffer how he really felt. Spider didn't move and his eyes were closed and for a moment Buffer wondered if he had actually fallen asleep. But then Spider's eyes snapped open, he turned his head a little and looked at Buffer.

"You don't need to babysit me, Buff. I'm not gonna faint again like some weak kitten and even I'm not clumsy or unfortunate enough to get in more trouble than I probably already am here on the Hammersley," he murmured and there was a hint of self-loathing in his voice and that in turn caused Buffer to roll his eyes.

"I'm not babysitting you, Spider. In case you've forgotten, this is my cabin too," he stated, even though that was half a lie, because yes, he was here since this was his cabin, but also because he really wanted to keep an eye on the younger man to make sure that he'd be able to cope with this situation. Then he leaned a little closer to Spider and said, with an honest expression on his face: "And nobody thinks you're weak, Spider. Everybody would have been floored if they'd found out what you just did find out. And it's never nice when something you think is long in the past comes back to bite you in the ass."

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"And why are the Boss and X treating me like I might break every second, especially X, who has never had a problem to punish me when I screwed up? Hell, even you're treating me like glass," Spider wanted to know, rolling onto his side to better be able to watch Buffer to see if he was honest in whatever he was going to say next.

His friend watched him with an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes showed the concern for Spider.

"We treat you like that, because right now you're vulnerable and we're worried about you and we want to help you," Buffer explained, but Spider still looked skeptical and even embarrassed. But then he nodded halfheartedly.

"If you say so," he murmured and then he turned so that his back was to Buffer, a sign of obvious dismissal.

"I'll try and get some sleep," was all he said, his voice muffled by the pillow he had buried his face in. Buffer watched him, a hint of sadness lying over him.

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"Good idea," he agreed, watched Spider for a few more minutes, before he climbed into his own bunk, picked up his discarded book and tried to continue reading. But after he had read the same page for over twenty minutes, he finally gave up, closed the book, put it aside and crossed his arms above his head, lying quietly. Buffer just listened to Spider's breathing and hoped that the young man wouldn't have any more nightmares. He couldn't get the pictures he had seen out of his mind and it was hard for him to imagine that one of his best friends had to go through something like that as a child.

And Buffer couldn't help the strange feeling settling in his stomach that things would get a lot worse before they would get better.

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><p>.<p>

2Dads stood on the deck of the Hammersley and looked around to make sure that all civilians were taken care of and would get safely aboard the ship. Swain was not far from him, tending to a wounded man and the rest of the rescue team was busy helping the survivors. Luckily not many were injured and nobody was dead. 2Dads counted that as a win and his thoughts wandered back to Spider. He had no real idea what was going on and X had made it perfectly clear that she didn't want him to tell anybody what he thought was going to happen and if he did, he'd find himself with toilet cleaning duty. But he was worried about Spider. The young seaman had been the first to really accept him on board and they had formed a strong friendship.

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A hand on his shoulder pulled 2Dads out of his musings and he turned his head to see a man standing behind him, a piece of cloth pressed to a small wound on his forehead, looking a little lost.

"Can I help you, sir?" 2Dads questioned, somehow he got a strange vibe off of the man, but maybe that was just because he had been thinking about Spider right now and was a little jumpy because of it. The man pressed his lips tightly together and then he asked timidly: "Can you tell me what's going to happen now? Because I really need to contact my family before they worry too much."

2Dads gave the man a sympathetic look.

"We'll get everyone on board and then we'll get you all to shore. Of course you can contact your family as soon as the rescue is finished," he explained, trying to calm the obviously distraught man down.

"But right now everything is pretty hectic and we're usually not equipped to handle this many civilians, so I'm sorry if I can't help you more right now," he added hastily, because Kate had frantically been waving for him to come over.

"That's okay, sir," the man said and 2Dads gave him a court nod, before he started to walk over to Kate, somehow glad to be away from the man. And if he had looked back for a second, he would have seen the strange smile on the man's lips and maybe he would have seen him slip away from the hectic on deck... but since he didn't, nobody really noticed...

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to be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Hey everybody, I'm truly sorry, that it took me this long again and I also apologize if this chapter is a little weird, but that's what I came up with and I really hope you like the idea, no matter if it's a bit far-fetched...

And again: Please don't mind the inaccuracies concerning the Australian Navy, because I'm not really an expert on that subject.

And also keep in mind that English is not my native language

Reviews would be greatly appreciated *smiles hopefully*

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And of course thanks to **elightate, Serenityhimesheppard, bunnybunbun1, charlie-becks, Quiet Ryter, katiiii, The giggle girl, asdlkf, Anna, Guest 1 and Guest 2** for all your kind words for my last chapter *hugs you all*

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**Warning:** **Mentions of Child Abuse and slight, really really slight non-con**, hence the M rating, I'll post other warnings if they come up...

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**Disclaimer:** None of the Sea Patrol characters belong to me, I'm just borrowing them for this story and this is for entertainment only, not for money...

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

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><p>.<p>

Spider knew that he had to have fallen asleep for a while, at least a few minutes, because when he woke up, Buffer was gone, probably called back on duty. Judging by the amount of hectic noise reaching his ears, something serious was happening on deck. Probably a rescue mission, or better the rescue mission XO and the CO had been called to about twenty minutes earlier, Spider realized after a short look at the clock.

The young seaman groaned in annoyance. So much for not treating him like he was made out of glass. Sure, Spider still felt a little weak and his hands were shaking occasionally, but they could at least have checked if he felt well enough to help, because officially he was on duty and big rescue missions always meant all hands on deck.

But then again, he had been sleeping while Buffer got ready, so that had probably given them the answer they needed: that Spider was still not well and needed his rest. Spider sighed again and rolled onto his back, trying to stop those damn memories from assaulting him again. This whole thing was just so fucked up and he only wanted to forget it and get back to work, so that he didn't have to think about it, because he was occupied with other things. And he figured that not much could happen as long as he was on board of the Hammersley. It was an Australian Navy Warship after all.

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So Spider decided that what he was going to do was wait for the rescue mission to be over and things back to normal and then he'd go and find Swain and the CO to report fit for duty so that he really could put those damned photographs behind him, because in his opinion that's all they were, photos of something he couldn't even really remember. All in all it was nothing that should have shaken him so much.

Spider wanted to proof that he wasn't weak, he wanted them to see that he was an asset to this crew. He sat up abruptly, ignoring the wave of dizziness that surged through him. He had made a different decision now. He'd get ready and see if he could help somehow.

The seaman was just lacing up his boots, once again ignoring the violent nauseous feeling, when he heard steps coming down the hallway towards his cabin. Spider quickly finished tying his boots and looked up, because he suspected that someone had come to call him on duty now, no matter what had happened earlier.

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The knock on the cabin door wasn't so surprising now and Spider answered it with a court "Come in" without even really looking at the door, because he was still busy straightening out his uniform. And he fully expected to see another crew-member standing there. But what he really hadn't expected, was the broad shouldered man in civilian clothes, who stood in the doorway, looking around a little nervously. The man looked vaguely familiar, but for some reason Spider couldn't out a name to the face.

"Can I help you?" he questioned, an uneasy feeling settling in is stomach. And when the man suddenly lost every trace of nervous demeanor and started talking, Spider simply froze in place and stared at the man, his heart beating a mile a minute.

"Yes you can help me by quietly coming with me, Billy," the man nearly purred and pulled a small device out of the pocket of his jeans when he saw that Spider was finally overcoming his shock and getting ready to fight.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the man snapped, the tone of his voice making Spider stop mid-movement, again frozen in place, assaulted by different memories he had thought long forgotten, or better he never knew had existed in the first place. He simply stared at the man, trying to figure out how to get out of this.

The man simply continued speaking: "This is the remote control of a little bomb I have hidden somewhere on the ship and if you do anything to alert someone or if you decide to disobey my orders, then I'll just press that little button and the ship goes "boom"."

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Spider swallowed harshly, but then he nodded slowly, having no idea what else to do.

"Okay," he gave in, knowing that it was no use to disobey, because that would really only make matters worse. He took a careful step closer to the man.

"So, what do you want from me now, Uncle Rick?" he spat, the word "uncle" full of disdain and hatred and Spider was kind of glad that this man never had been a blood relative, even before he had been adopted, because he remembered that he was married to the sister of one of his parents.

The man, Rick, just grinned, an evil glint in his eyes.

"I didn't think you'd remember me this quickly, but I'm thrilled to see that you do," the man said, lightly passing the little device from hand to hand, Spider's eyes following it, because he was looking for an opening to snatch it from the man. But Rick's next words stopped Spider once again dead in his tracks.

"I missed you, Billy," he murmured. Spider only stared at the man as if he had suddenly grown a second head. It also felt really wrong to be called "Billy" when he was just "Spider" or "Seaman Webb" most of the time.

"I certainly can't say that the same goes for you," he spat, before adding, a lot of sarcasm in his voice: "I didn't even remember you until you sent these pictures."

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Rick simply chuckled and his eyes never left Spider, watching for any move the young seaman wasn't supposed to make.

"Then it's about time I make you remember," he said, looking giddy at that prospect, a sentiment that Spider sure as hell didn't share. He kept staring at the man again and he shivered a little.

"You can't seriously think that you and I can just walk on deck and leave the ship without anyone noticing and trying to stop you," he tried to reason. His uncle just waved the little remote control.

"That's exactly why I planted that little surprise," he simply answered, before grabbing Spider's elbow, pulling the young man closer to him.

"This makes sure that you follow my orders," he informed with glee, before going on to explain his plan.

"And I don't really plan on leaving now. I'm just going to stay hidden in the crowd of people your crew has just rescued from the cruise ship and once we reach the harbor, we'll just walk off together," he explained and Spider couldn't suppress a shudder. Rick was obviously a little crazy and Spider really wanted to ask the question, if he had something to do with the accident of the cruise ship, but he really didn't want an answer to that question.

"And once they notice that you're gone, it'll be too late and we'll be off... and again, if you try to alert anyone that something is wrong, I'll just press this little button. Maybe the ship won't sink, but chances are, that someone will be killed in the explosion, so are you willing to risk that?"

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Spider didn't even know what to say to that. His shoulders just slumped in defeat, because right now there really wasn't much he could do about this, since he really wasn't willing to put the Hammersley and its crew in danger, at least not at the expanse of his own safety. No matter what some people thought, he wasn't irresponsible. And Rick seemed to have planned this all out in detail. Still, there was something

"But why did you come here and talk to me? You made things harder on you. If you'd just waited until we were back at Cairns, then you'd have it a lot easier," he stated, trying to go for time in the hopes that Buffer would come back or that Swain would come look for him, so they could take Rick down together.

He yelped a little, when he suddenly was pulled even closer and against the other man's chest and just now he realized how much bigger Rick actually was. He squirmed a little in the hold, trying to ignore the panic rising within him.

"Oh, I was going to do that, but when I passed by your cabin and found you alone, well, I just couldn't resist and had to say hello, Billy. As I said, I missed you," he murmured, his mouth way too close to Spider's ear.

"And I'm glad I did, because it's great to see that you've grown from the cute kid you were into a handsome man," Rick continued and once again Spider felt nausea wash through him and it took all of his self-control not to throw up again, heartbeat pounding in his ear.

"And I'm sure you're not going to tell on me, because remember what happens, when you do," he mouthed, breath ghosting over Spider's cheek and the young seaman stood rigid, trying not to move, even though every instinct told him to get away as far as possible from the man.

"Boom," Rick whispered and for a second his lips graced Spider's ear.

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But then he was suddenly released and Rick pushed him away. Spider stumbled a bit and looked surprised why Rick had let go of him, not that he wasn't glad about it. He breathed heavily, but then he also listened to what Rick apparently was listening to and he could hear footsteps coming closer and for a moment Spider wasn't sure if he wanted them to pass or stop and come in.

Suddenly the door to the cabin was yanked open and Buffer was about to walk in, but stopped dead in the doorway, upon seeing Rick there. Spider let out a breath of relief, but one look from Rick reminded the young seaman what was at stake, before he quickly let the detonator slip back into his shirt pocket.

"Everything alright?" Buffer questioned warily, taking a step into the cabin. He looked at Spider and the young man looked pale, but that wasn't surprising, because he had looked like that when Buffer had left him alone to give 2Dads a hand. Now that he hadn't been needed any longer, he had decided to check on his cabin mate.

"Sure, Seaman Webb was just explaining to me how to get back on deck. I seem to have lost my way a little and just decided to knock here and see if anyone was in to help me," Rick told Buffer, all innocence and Spider would have admired the man's acting ability, if he wasn't threatening Spider and the Hammersley.

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Buffer looked a little dubious at that explanation and his eyes went to Spider to get confirmation.

"Yeah, I just told Mr. Sedwick how to get back on deck," Spider hastened to add when Rick discreetly pointed to the detonator in his shirt pocket.

Rick smiled innocently at Buffer and then he said: "Well, I better get back on deck. I hope I won't get into trouble, because I wandered around alone. I was just so anxious that I started walking and ended up here. And I really need to contact my family."

Buffer nodded, a little sympathy showing on his face. Being rescued from a sinking ship was never easy on anyone, so he had a right to be a little confused.

"If you return to deck immediately, then there's no harm done," he assured and Rick nodded, looking grateful.

"Thank you, Sir, with Seaman Webb's help I know where to go," the man said and then he left the cabin, only throwing back one last long look at Spider to warn him to keep his mouth shut.

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Once Rick was out of sight, Spider collapsed onto his bed, closing his eyes tightly, hoping that he'd soon wake up and find out that this had just been a nightmare. But when he felt Buffer's hand on his shoulder, he knew that it hadn't been a nightmare.

"You alright, Spider?", Buffer asked, concern written all over his face.

"No Buff, I'm not alright, but I have no idea what to do to be alright again," he murmured, the shock finally catching up with him again and he barely managed to grab the wastebasket to throw up into, before his eyes rolled back into his head and he half collapsed on the bed, half on a panicked Buffer...

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to be continued...


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